I expect…

We had a production meeting last Sunday evening that went very much longer than expected.

I expected it to last about 90 minutes, get right down to business and then I could grab a nice dinner and relax with a good movie.

Yeah, expectations. They’re killers.

About 5 minutes into the meeting one of my staff stopped me cold and stated “I don’t know most of the people at this table, and I can’t be my best until we all get related to one another.” Of course he was correct. He expected that I would begin the meeting with introductions, which I did, but he also expected them to last much longer.

About 2 hours later, after we were all cozy and comfy and related and relaxed, the meeting began and it was around a question.

The question was “what is the number one killer of relationships?”

Everyone looked at one another for a while and then Alex, my event manager wrote a single word on a piece of paper, and the word was,

Expectations.

I expect you to know what I want because you say that you love me.

I expect dinner to be ready the minute I walk in the door.

I expect you to know how to please me without me telling you how.

I expect you to be cool with all of my friendships.

I expect you to stop watching football all day Sundays after we’re married.

I expect you to love me for my faults as well as my gifts.

I expect you to pay all the bills on time.

I expect to go on vacation 4 times per year, every year.

I expect to live in a huge home with 3 cars and a pool and a garden and…

I expect, I expect, I expect…

Expectations are killers of relationships when we do not communicate our feelings, wants, desires, and YES, expectations to one another!

If you don’t tell me what you want, dear, I really can’t read your mind!

I want to please you in every way, so could you kindly tell me what you like?

I like vacations too, but could we actually make some money and get some savings first?

Expectations. Killers. Word.

Talk to your mate folks. It will save you a world of pain now and in the future!

And I expect that you’ll listen to me!!!

Spike

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  1. Maura December 12, 2011 at 4:04 pm #

    Great article! I have definitely fallen into the trap of unspoken expectations that killed many of my relationships. I know I need to communicate what I want to my partner, but what if you’re not even aware of half of those hidden assumptions that you take into every relationship until it’s too late? And sometimes you don’t even realize it until 5 years down the road, you read something like this and you slap yourself on the forehead and say, “So that’s what that was about!”

  2. spike January 23, 2012 at 12:41 pm #

    Thank you Maura! I think we have all fallen into that dangerous comfort zone where we “expect” that we know everything about our mate, and “expect” that they will share everything they need with us.
    We all know this to not be true, and only open communication can keep a relationship flowing and healthy.
    When either person holds back feelings or information, (truly, none of us are mind readers no matter how long we are together) it is impossible to always know what the other is thinking, or worse, hurting about.

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